King Sighs

How time flies! It seems we've only just taken down all of our decorations for Kwanzaa, and it's already Martin Luther King Day! A day when the president of the United States is encouraging all of us to come together to celebrate the birthday of a truly great and historic figure in black history: Michelle Obama.

At least, that's what you'd think if you received the recent personal email from Barack Obama which only goes to important, intelligent people entrusted with the critical job of shaping American opinion and policy...and people who give fake names and claim to be potential donors, which is what we did.

The email from Barack (when you're this tight, you can use his first name) was called "FLOTUS," which should not be confused with those little bowel movements that take more than one flush to get rid of. Rather it refers to the "First Lady of the United States" who, in the words of the president, "turns 48 on Tuesday, and I know I'm not her only fan out there. So will you join me in wishing her a happy birthday?"

The link takes you to a page where you can wish Michelle a Happy Birthday by filling in your name and email address, after which you'll be hit up for donations until you rue the day you ever discovered what email was. There is, however, no need to actually pony up for an expensive gift for the first lady online, since that's already automatically included in your taxes.

Continuing in his personal letter, Barry (you can call him that if you've rubbed suntan oil on him at Kailua beach) says "This fall, Michelle and I will have been married 20 years. The next 10 months will be harder than any we've experienced together." Frankly, we're not sure what that means, but it doesn't sound good.

After all, 20 years was all Hussy (you can call him by his middle name if you've gotten crapfaced at Beer Summits together) could take of one angry, black, racist, anti-American - the Reverend Jeremiah Wright - so he might be reaching his limit with the FLOTUS, too.

But apart from all of that, the president wants us to wish Michelle a Happy Birthday and give generously to his re-election campaign and - oh yes! - one more thing:

"PS: This weekend people are getting together to volunteer in their communities in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day."

That's right - the first black president of the United States is honoring Dr. King with a "PS" in a fundraising email about his wife's birthday.

Perhaps a "BS" would have been more appropriate.

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