Christ in camouflage

By Capt. Fogg

No, we don't have to worry about private militias and of course they don't represent the "conservatives" who jabber and jape, mock and malign the concept that a dark-skinned president could be legitimate, election results notwithstanding. They're nothing to worry about.

It appears to be our right to play soldier and prepare to overthrow the government and rave about America being for "Christians" only because Jesus wants it that way. Of course, there's no law against believing or teaching that the president of the United States is the child of an imaginary horned god of evil and is here to destroy everything good, including the good Christian militias who train for a mythical battle of the gods cribbed from Zoroastrian splinter sects and Gnostic fantasies. It's a free country -- so far.

It sure is scary shit though. If you're a resident of rural Martin County, Florida, you might be a redneck, but even if you're not, there's a chance you're buying all the .223 and 7.65X39 you can get hold of at inflated prices and squirreling it away for Armageddon and the next Presidential election or for whatever the Mayans allegedly forsaw in the stars. There's also a good chance you're just a nostalgic and frustrated old Confederate and that decal on your pick'emup and the flag-waving over your cracker shack indicate a serious longing to try it all again.

At any rate, if you're any of the above, you're not alone and you're less alone than you were a few years ago when the right hand of Jesus presided over his crusade and his omnipotent presidential powers. Militias are prospering as they haven't since 1861.

The only thing on earth to save the testimony and those who follow it, are the members of the testimony, til the return of Christ in the clouds. We, the Hutaree, are prepared to defend all those who belong to Christ and save those who aren't. We will still spread the word, and fight to keep it, up to the time of the great coming. 

It's the credo of the Hutaree, a Christian Militia, who are waiting and training in anti-Satan warfare for the end of time just in case God can't handle it himself; all the Jew killing and rapturing and devil chasing ain't easy: God's and old man and needs reinforcements. The Anti-Christ Obama is damned near omnipotent after all, even if he has such a hard time getting the Republicans to behave like adults. No, if you want to stop Satan you need lots of camo and lots of ammo and it won't hurt to kill some cops and their families either. I know it sounds a bit questionable, but it's all there on their website. Hutaree, explains the camo-clad site, means Christian Warrior in some undisclosed language. Moronish, perhaps?

It was that plan that prompted the indictments today of 9 self-styled "patriots" after a series of raids in Michigan, Ohio, and Indiana. The idea was to spark some kind of war against the police by killing at least one and then blowing up his funeral so as to help bring on whatever it is they think needs bringing on. Sounds a bit like Charles Manson's strategy, but I'm sure they thought of it independently.

Meanwhile, back in Michigan, the allegedly unrelated Michigan Militia still plans to hold its "Open Carry Family Picnic & Tea Party," to be held on April 10, 2010, so while the bomb-making classes at the Hutaree house of hate will be on hold for a while you can still take the family to Michigan for a good old family time and play games like pin the mustache on Obama, kill the gun grabbers, and let's pretend our taxes are going up.

And while we're playing games, does anyone want to bet that more commenters will bash me for "misunderstanding" the teabag patriots than will be concerned about armed madmen and trying to take over the government by killing the police?

(Cross-posted from Human Voices.)