A Christmas story

By Capt. Fogg 

I'd describe her as a sweet little old lady except for the nearness of our vintages, but she's barely five feet tall and fragile. We'd been talking about the Kindle e-book reader and she had asked if I'd read Bill O'Reilly's book on Lincoln. 

"Umm..." I said, stalling for time. 

I remember not long ago having shocked her, and the entire dinner table for that matter, by expressing distaste for Glenn Beck as a reliable source of information, and I really try to be polite to nice people but I went on: 

"Well, I'm not a big fan of his."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think he tends to make things up or tell us things he gets from rumors and websites without verifying them, but I think that's true of Fox in general. I remember the first time I listened to him years ago, but maybe it was Hannity. I get them confused sometimes because I never watch Fox." 

The look of astonishment still had not faded. 

"But anyway, he was going on and on about how the PC liberals had banned Christmas lights in -- I think it was Muskegon, Michigan -- or wearing red and green clothing on Christmas -- and of course it was immediately checked by another network and it wasn't and of course it was a surprise to the mayor who had never heard of the whole thing -- and of course Fox never hinted that it had been caught in a lie."

Well here I go, I've lost another friend, I thought, but actually she was smiling.

"You know my son says the same thing about Fox: 'They make up stories, mom, don't watch them.'"

"He must be a brilliant guy if he agrees with me," I said, a bit relieved.

"He's got a Ph.D. in biochemistry."

"He sounds smart in spite of that."

"He is," said the proud mother, "but still, what I don't like is when they tell us we can't say Merry Christmas any more."

"But who ever told you that? That's what I mean. Nobody, and certainly not anyone in government has said that -- only Fox News! Merry Christmas! See, no black helicopters." 

**********

I try so hard to avoid such things. I'm much nicer in public than I am here, really, and I don't want to make people feel bad, but you know the day is only half over and I have already read in several places how those PC liberals won't let you say Merry Christmas and make you say Happy Holidays, which means you have to allow people other options, which means our Christianity is under attack and we're all victims of those PC liberals who hate Christmas. As I said, they're putting words in the mouths of their straw men and we're believing it, and it may be that the only people defending the right to celebrate whatever we want in our own way and the right not to be forced to celebrate are those damned PC liberals and their damned Bill of Rights.

So maybe Lyin' Bill and Insanity Hannity and the Fox Fiends have done their work well, or maybe the people who pull their strings are pulling other strings, I don't know, but if you want to wish me Eid Mubarak or happy Adam and Eve day (which in fact it is) or Krishna's birthday (if he has one), I'll wish you one too and I'll celebrate our secular laws that allow it and curse the bastards who equate that right with the fall of American values. 

Merry Christmas. 

(Cross-posted from Human Voices.)